1 June 1999

This year is going way to fast - exams in 15 days - yuck.  Bum down - head up.

I've been awake since 6:30am - thinking about things Gran and I have done.  Had a few coffee's - and only 8am.  Well, I still intend to write to Gran - unsure what i will say though but feel I need to say something.

Well, back in Dunedin. before leaving Christchurch I went to see Rae. Tks for the life to the airport sis ... I feel really honoured to have a lover like Anna and friends like Rae.

Got back around 4:30pm ... great to be back.  I rang up Anna today - need to see if she wants to take the risk of coming down and me being in CHCH for Gran's funeral.

Well off to bed - tks for the phone call Anna .... glad we can be so open and honest with each other.

TIME is 11:11pm.  Dad just rang to say Gran has died around 10pm.  So much for the 2-6 weeks the Doctors gave.


3 June 1999

Today I received this fantastic card from Bren.  It included the following verse:

When somebody dies, a cloud turns into
   an angel, and flies up to tell God
   to put another flower on a pillow.
   A bird gives the message back to
   the world, and sings a silent prayer
   that makes the rain cry. People dis-
   appear, but they never really go away.
   The spirits up there put the sun to
   bed, wake up grass, and spin the
   earth in dizzy circles. Sometimes you
   can see them dancing in a cloud during
   the day-time, when they're supposed
   to be sleeping. They paint the rain-
   bows and also the sunsets and make
   waves splash and tug at the tide.
   They toss shooting stars and listen to
   wishes. And when they sing wind-
   songs, they whisper to us, don't
   miss me too much. The view is nice
   and I'm doing just fine.
             - Ashley


Sunday 6th June 1999

Well I will be heading off to Christchurch soon to Gran's funeral - it is ummm 11:00am Tuesday with a welcoming service (?) on Monday night.  Seems a bloody mess at the moment to be honest. No one can or will tell me what is happening - as if I am a spectator or something.

Rang Be up last night - for over 5 hours!! Had a really great talk and found the taped interviewed she did with Gran about her life 3 years ago.  Will play this to Al and Judy - but I have been told that I have to keep the tape.

In the death notice it referred to Mum as - the ex-daughter-in-law!!  She, and others are not very impressed!!!

I am staying at Kiwiman's, Nixx's and Hollies1 - be great to meet them aye - also hope to meet Rae again and Ms_Cue, among others.

Be4 I go on I was sent a card with the following :o)  Thank you all

Our friends are like angels,
Who brighten our days.
In all kinds of wonderful,
Magical ways.
Their thoughtfulness comes,
As a gift from above.
And we feel we're surrounded,
By warm, caring love.

Like upside-down rainbows,
Their smiles bring the sun.
And they fill ho-hum moments,
With laughter and fun.

Friends are like angels,
Without any wings.
Blessing our lives,
With the most precious things!

~Emily Mathews~

Thanks for being my friend!

Well, I'm heading off to the airport soonish - cya all when I get back


8 June 1999

Hi

Well I am at Dad's and Sandra's - will be returning to Dunedin tomorrow morning.  We have had Gran's funeral today - was one of the best I have been to - close to 2 hours in length.  I note that they missed the committal - must say I have some problems with this and need to work through some issues .... as it was missed what implications does this have for Gran??  The funeral service was audio taped - so I will probably be adding more about the funeral later.

Lets do a bit of time tripping back and revisit the recent past .... Until Monday (7th) I had no idea what was happening during the funeral.  In the end I read, with additions, the letter I had written to Gran b4 I left.  This letter was read to Gran 4 hours b4 her death.  I was also one of the pallbearers.  The others were Dad, Al (uncle); Ben, Mike and Martyn (Cousins).  I did ask Judy if she wanted to be one - so all Gran's children carried her out - but she felt Gran would want men.

I left home around 7pm via shuttle to the airport.  Got the 8:05pm flight to Christchurch, arriving just b4 9pm and I was met by Ms_Cue.  I tried top say Hi to Cathie, who was working at the airport, but she was in the middle of a crowd trying to load bags onto the scales.  Ms_Cue and I drove to Kiwiman's, Nixx's and Hollies1.  We knocked on the door - no answer ...hmmmm.  Well we waited outside for just over a hour - ringing on our yuppies ... to no avail.  After a bit more time we drove around and went to McDonald's for some food - must have been close to 11pm as we got in just b4 closing ... so they had to make a real fresh Kiwiburger - yummy.

After eating this we went back and although there was a car in the driveway - still no answer to wither our knocks or phone calls.  So we drove around again, came back and knocked - Yuppie ... the door opens.  Sorry for waking u guys up.  We had a really great chat b4 hitting the sack around 3am.

Woke up around 10am to an incredible breakfast cooked by Kiwiman - he is a great cook - so hire him out some time Nixx :o)  Rang up family members - who then seemed to ring me often - which was good.  I started to wonder if they had been reading some of my comments above.  Hollies returned from some friends and we played some puter games and briefly went onto the nets.  I will beet you one day Hollies .. and thanks for taking my mind off the funeral and all ... think I'd have gone mad otherwise.

At around 5pm I was picked up by Mike (Cous) and we went to gran's house for some fish-in-chips.  It was great to meet most of my cousins around again, and Al + Sue.  great talk and joking.

After this we went to the Welcoming service at 7pm.  This was held at Gran's local Catholic Church in Sumner, Our Lady Star of the Sea.  I think that this brought reality for me ... hit me like a train.  I saw the casket, knowing that Gran was inside.  I was told that the service was mainly for family, and maybe another 15 or so people ... there were over 60 others.  I was over welled.  The service was a very basic liturgy, with spaces for people to speak about Gran.   The service was taken by Fr. John Coleman, a person who had know both Gran and Gramps for over 30 years.  It was so great to hear people who I had never met speak about Gran.  The family then went to a wine bar for some drinks and nibbles, and then back to Kiwiman and Nixx's.  It was great to chat about things - almost a debriefing .... must say I had so many things floating in my head, without the talks I'd have got no sleep.  Thank you guys!!!

Back to today - woke up around 7am I guess, and had fun trying to get Be's fax to Dad ... in the end we managed.  Luckily I had one of those cards to transfer the cost - hate to think what the bills will be .

My 1st shock was no money - student loan should have been paid in and there was nothing there.  I rang the bank up when I returned to Dunedin to be told as Monday was a stat holiday all payments were a day late - SORRY .... do computers take holidays??

Around 9:30 am I was picked up by Anthony Fitchett, popped into Dad and Sandra's and then off to the Church.  The service started at 11am, and as I have already said - close to 2 hours long.  It was an incredible service - a blend of the formal mass and informality of people speaking. Both the Roman Catholic Priest (Fr. John Coleman) and the ANglican (Rev Reg Hall) had know both Gram and Gramps well.  There were the usual biblical readings (Dad and Al) and hymns - also Dad, Al and Judy read about Gran's history.

Cathie read out a fax from Be - a great message and a poem.  I read out the letter I had written to Gran b4 I left - which she heard 4 hours b4 she died.  Well I did make some additions also.  the only other cousin to speak was Mike.

I will write more about the service when the tape arrives.

After the service we had a good hour to chat to people and eat and drink ... wine... orange .. and loads of food.  We then all went around to Cathie's home and had some coffee and chatted.

After this, Cathie, Ben, Mike, Catherine and Anthony Fitchett and myself met up at Cave Rock - a cafe/pub, and played pool for many hours - well just after 7pm.  We didn't just drink - and I had a Guinness, but played pool and the jukebox. Also told stories of Gran ... a real great time aye.

During this time I was going to have to leave to get a plane home at 8pm... after Cathie spoke to Dad I ended up staying the nite there ... I really needed the extra nite b4 going home ... but I only wish that if people say I can stay with them - and yes it was with my father, they would then stop complaining that i am there.  If you don't want me there - don't invite me!!!

Tomorrow I leave to go back home ... get a painting from Gran's and my bad.  Although I have Gran's memories it seems that Be and I will get little of Gran material stuff - just because we are not in ChCh .... guess it doesn't really matter, but compared to what other relatives are grabbing, I guess I get the scraps under Gran's table.

Well it is gone 11pm, and I guess I better try to get some sleep.  I'm not tired - just exhausted.


9 June 1999

Well I am back - emotionally drained and tired ..... will fill you all in soonish, But I have to give a big thank you to Kiwiman, Nixx and Hollies1 ... believe me you offered me more than a bed for two nights, but a sanctuary and a place and friends to talk with ... Thank You .... BTW Kiwiman, try to to break something else to soon.

Also a big thank you to Ms_Cue for meeting me at the airport and staying for that chat.

Best news of the day .... but unsure if I can print it.

Been told I can - Mafia_Chick is coming down to Dunedin for a week and she has got the tickets!!!!!

An E-mail from God :

As you got up this morning, I watched you and hoped you would talk to
me, even if it was just a few words, asking my opinion or thanking me
for  something good that happened in your life yesterday - but I noticed
you  were too busy trying to find the right outfit to put on and wear to
work. I waited again. When you ran around the house getting ready I knew
there would be a few minutes for you to stop and say hello, but you were
too  busy. At one point you had to wait fifteen minutes with nothing to
do except sit in a chair. Then I saw you spring to your feet. I thought
you wanted to talk to me but you ran to the phone and called a friend to
get  the latest gossip.  I watched as you went to work and I waited
patiently all day long. With  all your activities I guess you were too
busy to say anything to me.  I noticed that before lunch you looked
around, maybe you felt embarrassed to talk to me, that is why you didn't
bow your head. You glanced three or four tables over and you noticed
some of your friends  talking to me briefly before they ate, but you
didn't.  That's okay. There is still more time left, and I have hope
that you  will talk to me, yet you went home and it seems as if you had
lots of  things to do. After a few of them were done, you turned on the
TV, I  don't know if you like TV or not, just about anything goes there
and you  spend a lot of time each day in front of it, not thinking about
anything - just enjoying the show.  I waited patiently again as you
watched the TV and ate your meal but  again you didn't talk to me.
Bedtime-I guess you felt too tired. After  you said goodnight to your
family, you plopped into bed and fell asleep  in no time.  That's okay
because you may not realize that I am always there for you.  I've got
patience more than you will ever know. I even want to teach you  how to
be patient with others as well. I love you so much that I wait everyday
for a nod, prayer or thought-or a thankful part of your heart.  It is
hard to have a one-sided conversation.  Well you are getting up again
and once again, I will wait with nothing but love for you, hoping that
today you will give me some time.  Have a nice day!

Your friend,
God
P.S. Do you have enough time to send this to another person?


11 Jun 1999

From a friend

   Heaven On-line

     There's a land where I go when I need to share
       that's not on a map, yet exists everywhere
   A land of names without faces, a curious place
      A modern creation that's called cyberspace.
       There's all creation of people with cute little names
   Like Pookie, and Sandman and Rosebud and Flames.
     Some are just snobs and some are real fun.
     And some of them just want to find someone.
       But both good and bad they all play a role.
      Still each one unique, but part of the whole.
       We talk and laugh and wonder why.
                We flirt and we hug and sometimes we cry
         We can't be heard and can't be seen.
       Yet, there it is, right on our screen.
       But all in all the most curious part
       Is the power it has to open our heart.
      To share with a stranger those things we've concealed
      Which to our closest of friends we'd never reveal.
     Our deepest regrets and most troubling fears
       The scars in our life which bring us to tears.
   What gives them the power to reach into me
 and show me the truths that I never see.
  How do they manage to open my eyes
    And make me confess the deceit and the lies.
      I don't understand this magical spell,
       But I know that without it my life would be hell.
    This must have been planned by the Creator up above,
       Cause there's no place on earth where you'll find as much love.
     When I need direction I know I can find
   those angels from heaven just waiting online.
   ~Author Unknown~

        If you know who wrote this beautiful poem please
           email me and i will give them credit.
 
 

 Thanks for being such a
wonderful on-line friend

12 June 1999

Well by this time next week I will have sat 3 or my 4 exams at uni - finals.  I think I will fail them all - (A) I hat exams and (B) I have got little energy to sit them or study - I seem to be unable to get out of the depression and sadness over Gran's death.  This is not to say that I have done no study, I have ... just finding it hard to concentrate and remember stuff...

For the 1st time in ages it is raining outside - and cold - around 7 degrees cl I guess - hope Mafia_Chick will survive - esp. at night when it gets below 0.

I have started to add some more links to my link's page - and I also have to get some my photo's developed one day soon - new pic's of loads of ppl ... will prob. be a month or so away.  I have added some pic's of 5 of our pets - present and past.  I hope to add some more soon


19 June 1999

Well it has been some time since I last added some comments - mainly due to my exams.  I realize what tomorrow is - 20th June 1999 .... hard to believe that it all happened 5 years ago aye??  I thought next year the 20th would be a Monday - the actual day it happened - but due to a leap year it misses.

No bereavement notices in the paper this year - the 1st time .... I did note the Det. Sgt. Milton Weir is leaving the police Force though, and that it seems the case is still going to happen sometime this year.

Well exams, 3 sat one to go.  Strange year - I have found it very hard to get the energy to study ... still miss gran like hell - and I know people are being kind sending bereavement cards - but they don't help with exams aye.

Well so far I have sat Stage 2 Environmental Politics; Stage 2 Islamic Spirituality and Stage 3 Bible and the Qur'an. On Tuesday I have Maori Culture. Due to me changing my major this is the only paper I have to pass.

So, What questions did I attempt to answer??  Well here they are:

Environmental Politics


Islamic Spirituality


Bible and the Qur'an


Well might type more later - although I am going to be speaking to Anna and ummm ... maybe DirtyDog.


21st June 1999

Well, I have my final exam tomorrow - and during my breaks I have made some changes to this home page - I have added my index to it - and made links to the pic's from there - really love your opinion.


22nd June 1999

YES... I have sat my final exam this semester ... Maori 102 Maori Culture.  The Qurstions I answered were:
 


So, 4 exams over for this semester - will have 5 next semester - means 15 assignments - yuck.

Also 4 days until Mafia_Chick comes to stay for a week ... be great.


27th June 1999

Almost the end of another month - and the official start of my holidays - for 2 weeks.... then down to 8am lectures - finishing at 6pm.

As I type this someone is brushing my hair with their hand - guess who????

Well, might type more later - hope to get some pic's scanned by Southern soon - and do some cooking.

Back - Southern kindly scanned the pic's today - hopefully he will e.mail them soonish and i'll add them to my web site on Monday or Tuesday - nite all


Monday 28th June 1999

Hi ya - I am really enjoying MC's company - and time is going just to quick aye.  Today - we went into town - got some stuff from Uni. walked down town and came home.  Yesterday we made a coffee/cheese moosee - very nice :o)

Also, today a friend send me a poem - it really ment a lot - so I have reproduced it below - thank you friend - u mean a lot to me :o)