So cops - u can look here and not steel my journals :o)

As things stand I am very much in love with the most incredible person I have ever met.  There is no word which can express my devotion and love for this person.

Still today and I have reconnected with a friend from further north.  I have also added some pic's to my web site - LEE IS BACK ON :o)

Well since a disturbing chat last night I have been very concerned for a friend.  Hopefully I will hear from her soon - or a friend who is just on his way to visit will give some happy news.

All day long I just sit thinking about my girlfriend - oh god I wish I was with her - why do I live so far away?  Maybe I need to move? - just a thought. Although that Valentines phone call is one I will always remember

My last entry for the day - still missing my gf.  Got hold of the aforementioned person - hope to speak to them tomorrow.  Been adding bit's to my home page and chatting in #New_Zealand and #Kiwiland (on mschat).

Night all

Wed 17th Feb. 1999

Still waiting to hear from gf - I guess she is buy at college - but I still miss her.  Just cooking pancakes for breakfast and then realized - no calcium for 1 hour after taking medication - then it seemed the clocks slowed down.

Had the pancakes - but miss my gf.

Been chatting in #New_Zealand -some really great friends in that room

Well today I hope to go to town - signing at uni and try to keep my sanity.

Just had a quick chat to my gf :o)))  Oh god - how have I ever managed to live without her :o)  She is just so incredible - oh god I have to go ......

What a shitty day - went to sign up at uni and they have made a mess of my papers - seems I will have to do 6 Rel's papers - yuck. Not sure if I will go or tell uni to f##k off for a year.  Will wait to chat with gf.

Also got a letter from lawyers about civil case against Karam.  Looks like I will be called as a witness - fun aye - lol.  Still to decide whether or not I'll try ot get a lawyer of mine own.

Well not sure what the temp. was - but it was very hot all day - hope it cools down tomorrow aye.

Well got hold of Piri today - glad  to see that she is ok.

Still really miss my gf - I just love her so much.  Hope to ring her tomorrow night.

Well last entry for the day - might add a retrospective tomorrow - will see.

What a hot day - yet again.

Well today I have decided to keep to my original schedule for Uni - even though I will not graduate. I have complained to the University Academic Registrar about it also.

I am hoping my gf will be on tonight - I miss her so much.

Well today I slacked around a bit - went into town - signed up at SJS and ummm .... paid  some of the phone bill and other stuff - then kept thinking of my gf ... so had to rush home and ... ummm ....

Well I rang up my gf - she was busy :o(  Hope to get her tomorrow though - being Friday and all.

I have decided to go with the course I originally wanted to - even if I don't graduate at the end of the year - might change the comp one in the 2nd semester though - will see.

Enough for today - can't be bothered writing any more.

Well another hot day ... another day without my gf .... and I have to go to do some stuff - phone calls and the like.  Maybe enrol at Uni - still to decide

Had to type the Pew News today - done that - well all 5 lines I had to.  Seems that it needed to all be retyped. But that is not my prob.  Also tried to help Cushla with her puter - running on windows 3.1 or something = dam useless system anyways.

Be back soon

Back - finalized what I will do at uni - will sign up next week.  Had a interesting day though.  Most importantly I spoke to my gf :o).  Also got a e-mail from Be wanting me to ship a load of stuff over. In my view it will be to expensive to do this - over $700 anyway.

Went to a shared meal and a study.  Was meant to be on the Intertestamonal books - but the person going to take this was sick so we looked at woman in the bible.  Nice meal, great people, interesting discussion.

Cricket is on tomorrow - so I hope to be on the net.  Oh, selling stuff at the rugby is out his year - they have sold their franchise to another company - well several different ones from throughout the country - seems a bloody mess if you ask me.

Well I have chatted to Be today - and sever other crazy people.  Cricket is on at the moment Sth Africa - 107/5 in 27th over  Seems rather slow - will see.

Spoke with a new person Pixie from the U.K..  Interesting person I mist say.  Little to say at the moment - might go and get some lunch.  BBL

  Spoke to my Girlfriend today and sent her some flowers which look remarkably like these :o)  I love her very much - more than words can say and I hope she is happy and having a good day also :o)

This day has been improving - I spoke to my gf on the phone and I haven't stopped grinning since :o)

Spoken to her on ICQ and will be ringing her again tonight.  I am just so much in lover.

I hear a lot in NZ room are at the moment - maybe a mass online wedding one day - lol.

Well today NZ won the cricket - great game.  Ummm ... done very little all day apart from pine about my gf.

Spoke briefly to Be and Benny today.  Seems Be needs a good kick up her butt from a big Bro - so warning Be. :o)

Well a fab person I am yet to comment about is Southernman - maybe because he is yet to send a pic .... hmmmm.  A great guy at times - although he has got to stop  trying to copy me all the time :o)

A thought for the day to start with:

Another thought:

Now the day had come at last
To put this problem in the past--                                       From far and wide the people came,
To solve for good the question deep                                 Each to try and make the claim--
Regarding joy's eternal keep.                                           Each one with a different thought
                                                                                            Of where this treasure should be sought.

Some looked in vaults and mined for gold,
Sure that money would this treasure hold.                       Still others went to parties all
Others tried a far resort                                                    And looked in bottles short and tall.
Or vacationing of a different sort.                                    Some even searched through books of lore,
                                                                                            For guidance to that distant shore.

Some said it came from a simple game
Or freedom, love, or power and fame;                              For happiness cannot be seen
But none of these endeavours brought                               In seas of blue or fields of green;
The answer to the question sought.                                  Nor even in the star-lit skies
                                                                                            Or in a loved one's sparkling eyes.

Far more treasures hold the soul
Than physical creation whole.                                           Happiness is one of these;
And though those things may draw them out,                  The soul alone can hold the keys--
They can't alone these treasures sprout.                        The keys to open every door
                                                                                            And let the happy spirit soar.

Many people yet remain
Entrapped by fear and mortal pain.                                  The key to happiness, you'll find
But none need linger in the dark;                                     Lies not on earth but in the mind.
They only lack one crucial spark:                                    To understand this is to be,
                                                                                           In thought and spirit, truly free.

             -- Doug Lee

Hi - great day so far - although I went to a study which really  sucked.  Then came on the puter and updated my web site (adding links) - sever new pictured added over the past few days.

So as you can see above i have been doing a bit of thinking and meditation - very profound I thought.

Well just got off the phone from my gf - what a rush. :o)  She reads my Journal :o)  So, I better be polite and not mention everything we talk about - see darling I won't tell them.

The time is 8:30pm and I am having the most incredible chat to my gf I have ever had - with the exception of that phone call :o) Nop - I think this one is better :o)

Well around 11:30pm I rang up my gf for one of 'THOSE' phone calls - couldn't sleep all night after that :o)

Well, part of the reason for not sleeping is mentioned above - but also had many things going around in my mind - basically lack of money and bills and bank overdraft etc.  Oh well, hard to pay around $200 a week when u get less that $150 income - lol.  And even my part-time job has gone down the drain.  Enough morning for today I guess.  But a warning - had a max. of 3 hours sleep.

I'm off to uni to sign up soon - unsure why - prob a expensive way to full in time until I find work I guess - lol.  Oh well, looks ok on a CV I guess.

Had a semi-decent talk to Be around 2-3am today.  Would have been a decent one if I'd been awake.  Well enough for now ~ will write more later.
Sweety, Darling - the womyn of my life - for you 

Well, just had a few hours sleep - I am still buggered.  I enrolled at Uni today, but still looking for full-time work.  I have asked the assistance of a professional - MoneyPenny.  Thank you sweety.

I seem to have made another mistake, for some reason a e-mail which should have gone BCC.  went to - thus everyone got other's e-mail addy's.  Apologies for this.

A Poem

         Last night I had a dream
         It had a tale to tell.                                                   His body bruised and battered
         I dreamed I saw an Angel;                                       His wings were ripped and torn
         Poor thing, he wasn't feeling well.                            This Angel could hardly walk,
                                                                                            He looked so tired and worn.

         I walked right up to him to ask;
         Angel? How can this be?                                          "I'm Your Guardian Angel,
         He turned around and paused a (bit),                       A great task as you can see.
         Then he spoke these words to me:                           You've run amok most all your life:
                                                                                             Look what it's done to me.

         These bruises are from shielding Ýou
         In times both dire and íll.                                           You see my wings are ripped and torn;
         Those alcoholic bouts and drugs you've used          How often they have flown you
         I've often paid the bill                                                From evils unaware.
                                                                                             Each mark is it's own story
                                                                                             of deadly wounds destroyed.

         You made me wish~~more than once-
         That I was unemployed.                                             Oh, don't you fret  or worry
         If only you could make ít                                            but please try to remember
         Standing on your own;                                                I'm getting old and frail.
 

         I could not believe all I had heard,
         Let alone how much he cared.                                   The next day I sat and pondered:
         I wept upon his shoulder,                                           Should I really try?
         Then left him ín despair.                                            Ånd ín the distance I thought I heard;
                                                                                             A frail Old Angel Cry.
 

                                                                Author unknown

Well as usual the phone went at a bloody inconvient time and if the person who mean the most to mean reads this I hope u were able to check ur ICQ b4 ur connection went down.  If not - u should receive my scribble soon :o)

I am still very tired - extremely tired.  Got little sleep last night.  Might go off to bed soon.  For some reason I feel really down today. Not excited by the thought of Uni - one of dread.

Well might only be 11:30pm - but I'm off to bed.

  Had a great day today - feeling realluy positive - strange how things can change so quickly.  Had a meeting with Cushla at 3pm and one with Bishop Penny and others at 4:30pm.  I found both not only very positive but very affirming (personally).

I Guess it is a relief that today's entry is smallish - no poetry or anything.  For some reason I am tired and can't be bothered going into chat - sorry guys - nothing against you. I might come in later.

Well got my new ID card - with a terrible pic - luckly u never need to see it - LOL.  Managed to figure out all the new computer stuff, paid more off the phone bill and ummm and lunch in town.

Well not sure if I will go online today or not - for some reason it do not enspire me as it used to.... Oh well.

I did pop in for a bit, not a lot happening in there though.  Going to see if Rae is around.  BBL - maybe

Another day - feeling good and starting to achieve something.  Typed minutes I done some typing.  Hope to get hold of my gf soon :o)

Well not a lot happening today - prelim lectures tomorrow.  Tryed to ring a friend - her phone was engaged all nite.  Typical.

Well, off to bed - cya

Hi - I am happy - speaking to my gf as I type.  I am so happy:o))) 

Had my prelim lectures - Believe it or not they not they decided  to change lecture times - didn't effect nme but loads of student are going to have to find new topics by monday.  Also seems I might have to do a 400 paper as there are only 3 signed up for the 300 one - different topic altogether.  Will see.

Listened to a very interesting talk on a friends business trips to Japan and interacting with the Japanese - very interesting - maybe a honeymoon sweety??

Just going online.

I rang up my gf today - some flowers for you sweety. 

Well heading off to bed - might only be 11:30pm, but I'm tired. - Nite all

Well not sure how I feel today - guess confused about relationships abd all that - guess things will develop and go where  they go.  Still love you sweety - not looking at anyone else.  Gust taking stock of where we are and how we can move together in a positive direction.

Well had a good day - rang up a friend (used to visit the nz room).  Um - watched some cricket and lay around waiting for Monday).

About to ring another friend up - love these $2 Sat's :o)

Will put this online and come back again tomorrow - catch u then.

Well today I was thinking about forgiveness, and whether or not Hitler would go to heven - well it is Sunday after all.  Anyways, I found this prayer which was written by a Jewish woman shortly b4 she died at Ravensbruck concentration camp.This prayer was found next to a dead child:

Lord, remember not only the men and women of good will but also those of ill will.  But do not only remember the suffering they have inflicted on us; remember the fruits we havr brought thanks to this suffering - our comradeship, our loyalty, our humility, the courage, the generosity,the greatness of heart which has grown out of all this, and when they come to judgement, let all the fruits we have borne be their forgiveness.

Don't know about you, but I found this very powerful.

Well had a great chat to a MP today - very interesting.  Also had a great thought provoking day.  ICQing my gf as I type this - she is just so buzy - guess I will be soon - 1st Day at Uni tomorrow.  Hope there are no more timetable changes.

Today is a sad day - my gf has gone offline :o((  I will have to ring her more often I guess. Well, might save this and add to it tomorrow sometime.  Uni starts tomorrow - so should be interesting.